2/2/2016

a pretty rough day.....

so basically it was recess and as usual, i checked my phone. it stated i had 9 miss calls, 7 from my sister and 2 from my grandma.. i knew something was amiss....  i later went on and check out my messages and realise i had acccidentally left with my sister key and i locked her out of her house. i panicked and only to receive messages from my sister saying that she had already climbed out of her window and went to work but reported late because of me. i felt guilty but it didnt stop there... my grandma messaged me and my heart literally felt like it was stabbed repeatedly when i saw her message... dont she understand how hard is it to be this young and having a broken family... does she not understand what i need now is just accompany and love from family?? what is wrong asking my sister to come back and stay with me?? all i want is to just have a loved one in this house with me? yes i know my sister is married and she has all the rights to go and stay with her husband but has anyone truly know how i feel??? CRIED. i frking cried during lessons and my friends saw, i tried to overcome the tears that threatened me, i put on a smile and laugh but i guess tears was still coming out of my eyes. I HATE THAT FEELING, i hate how im feeling so low but i just have to keep my emotions inside and act like im still all happy. i hate having tears coming out of my eyes but i still laughing... FAKELY.... im such a burden.. i just wish i wasnt here anymore....